This was the week that I was going to explain how I single-handedly prevented the outbreak of World War III. Or I was going to explain my foolproof plan for colonizing Mars.
However, a friend who is familiar with my fondness for words, and the puns that can spring from them, has provided the following Humor For Lexophiles (Lovers of Words). WWIII and Mars will have to wait.
So with apologies here goes:
*I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
*Police were called to a day-care center where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.
*Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
*The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
*A butcher backed up into a meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
*To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
*When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
*The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
*A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
*A burglar fell and broke his leg in wet concrete. He became a hardened criminal.
*Those who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
*We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
*When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.
*The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
*The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
*The dead batteries were given away free of charge.
By Bob Rodriguez