Goofy meeting memories from a lengthy newspaper career

As a result of umpteen years of attending meetings as a newspaper guy, some memories can stick like melted chewing gum on the bottom of one’s best shoes. Or maybe like recalling efforts (unsuccessful) to remove grease or red wine stains.

Anyway, more times than can be recounted, meeting participants including chairmen have tried, often with lightly veiled threats, to avoid the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. The amendment protects the media (I prefer the press) from government censorship and allows for the free dissemination of information.

During several duly authorized gatherings, including boards of directors for libraries, water districts, school districts, public fire protection agencies and similar groups, the leader would blatantly state, after discussion or action, “Don’t put that in the paper” or “We don’t want that in the paper.” Really!? To use an outdated expression, which I never expressed out loud, “That doesn’t cut any ice with me.”

On some occasions, apparently aimed at intimidation, there would be comments including, “You could be facing a lawsuit” or “We’ll sue your newspaper” or one of my favorites, “We know your boss.” That’s funny; I know the boss, too, and he is a staunch supporter of freedom of the press. Or sometimes the person in charge would try the technique of appealing to a sense of community by unashamedly offering, “It’s better if the general public doesn’t know about this.” What! How awesomely frightening and ridiculous.

There were sort of amusing situations, too, such as the time at a council meeting an intoxicated developer stumbled into the room, stood in front of the room and began to loudly berate the city fathers because they had delayed a permit he wanted. The mayor, who taught political science at a community college, shouted at the man to sit and that he was not recognized. It didn’t faze the intruder, causing the mayor to nearly swallow his cigar. Finally, the complainant stomped toward the exit but missed the proper door and strode blindly into the tiny restroom at the entry. Everyone laughed and the fellow backed out in embarrassment and stomped out. It’s doubtful that his permit was ever approved.

At another meeting in another city a group of citizens showed up to complain to the council about a neighborhood dispute. One man, chosen as spokesman (wrong choice, it turned out), told the council at some length what it must do or there would be bad repercussions. Finally, the mayor asked the man why his recommendation should be honored. The guy said, “Well, we pay your salaries, so you need to do what we want.” Urk. With a small smile, the mayor patiently explained, “We are all volunteers; we receive no pay.” With that, the speaker turned red and left the meeting muttering an unintelligible response. His friends left, too, with some chagrin.

During yet another meeting somewhere else, a column written by a newspaper editor and publisher spurred concern. The column, a tongue-in-cheek effort, ventured that because of U.S. military action and a large number of soldiers returning without living space, the town’s citizens might have to accommodate them.

  The column, with what the writer believed had enough silliness to be recognized as a joke, cited the Third Amendment. It prohibits the government from housing soldiers in private homes during peacetime without the owner’s consent, and in wartime, only in a manner prescribed by law. Several citizens told the council that they could neither afford nor have enough room for such action and would agree to quartering. Finally, the writer had to stand and explain that the column was written in jest and that no soldiers would be arriving. The complainers left, grumbling unkind words about the newspaper editor.

And in a similar vein involving the great unwashed, several residents attended a city council meeting to complain that their latest tax bills showed school district assessments that were too high. They wanted the city to do something about that. When the mayor explained that they’d have to address the school district board, the small crowd rapidly dispersed in some discomfort.

It’s important to learn where best to complain about a matter or realize that the press has legal, protected reporting freedom. Otherwise, your words won’t cut any ice.