Skunk Brush ugly yard contest: Part two, by contrast

For the 2026 ugly yard contest, the outhouse trophy has been redesigned and re-engineered by our local outhouse art director, Pikosso VanGoat. New, grossly bizarre and uglier options have been incorporated for an essential purpose.

In the year 2026, competing yards with the irritating sounds of barking, clucking, quacking, ba-aaaaaaaaaa and oinking from feral or domesticated animals, emitting natural vocal and guttural sounds of their species, must be accompanied by their intolerable odors. Noisy songbird tweets will qualify only if the tweets are recorded with the sounds of large caliber weapons being fired at them.

These new rules are expected to increase ugly pride and ugly excitement for ugly yards throughout the entire ugly year 2026. Please support your community and be unified in this creative expression of ugly involvement by starting immediately with your new year commitment to ugly. Our 2025 winner, Andy Keptitall, a generational hoarder, has volunteered his unaesthetic expertise to advise the unskilled, not yet uniquely skilled, in ugly.

This year’s enhanced upgrade of the trophy, as illustrated, should help inspire the 2026 contest to be unforgettably ugly. Especially with disgusting odors being implemented. They should be combined to enhance the full effect of ugliness, benefiting every square foot of Skunk Brush township and competing communities that trend toward the ideal of ugliness.

All town leadership is qualified: political, theological and of whatever profession, including couch potatoes and busy being lazy out-of-towners within half the ugly distance between all dangerously unbarricaded ugly communities. No Trespassing signs are not allowed, as the ugly judges need access to all competing properties. This year should be spectacular, with stench, stash, sound and a selective collective of non-esthetic ugliness, deplorably unforgettable, to accomplish a worthy purpose.

This intentional ugliness is hoped to give us a better understanding and appreciation of the Eden-like environment from which we were kicked out, and into this mortal Garden of Weeden. Our natural deviation from celestial references toward aesthetic ugliness reveals our unnatural tolerance for ugliness. May we be appropriately blessed this year in our Ugly Yard contest, that in our ugly practice of ugly skilled efforts, we better bond as thriving, recovering communities, that perhaps, we become Garden of Eden winners, and not Garden of Weeden, winning losers.

Give Ugly Yards a defining purpose of contrast in 2026. Let’s do some weedin’ in 2026 to look more like the Garden of Eden.